YOU AND THE STREETS

"You make sense to me."

SYNOPSIS

Neither of them cares about much in this life, but even then there are things they will never ever give up.

Such as the only places that feel like home to them.

The sky is burning.

That was what Hyunjin called the azure sea above his head when it took on a fiery hue. Sunsets were his most cherished time of the day; he found comfort in the blood sun for some reason. It felt harmless in the evening hours, possibly because it didn’t hurt his eyes to directly look at it. It felt like a declawed tiger.

Today, the sky was burning, but that comfort was missing. He thought spring was just around the corner, but today it was snowing. His teeth were chattering as he was sitting in the passenger seat of the car, shriveling into a ball like a hedgehog.

“Don’t let go of my hand,” Chris interlocked his fingers with Hyunjin’s and squeezed his hand tight. “You have me.”

Today it was snowing.

But it wasn’t snow falling from the burning sky.

“Mom, I want to learn sign language.”

Molly’s eyebrows formed the highest possible arch when her ten-year-old blurted that out at the kitchen table out of nowhere. 

“Where did that come from all of a sudden, baby?” she continued to peel potatoes. 

“The boy nextdoor,” Chris rested his chin on his hands. “He never talks. I saw him do stuff with his hands at the grocery store, so I’m gonna learn how to say I want to be friends with him.”

Her heart swelled to the point of combustion. She hadn’t been able to give much to her baby, but the conscience he had was her most proud achievement whether she had anything to do with it or not.

“We will go to the community center tomorrow morning, okay?” she ruffled his rebellious curls.

The boy nextdoor was very reserved, not leaving the house much, but once Chris started signing him the things that he learned, the boy started to come out of his shell a little. A little more. A little bit more every day. At one point, he even started waiting outside when it was time for Chris to come back home from school. Even though most of their communication took place on an Etch A Sketch, it didn’t prevent the two boys from merging into conjoined twins.

Molly wasn’t home much with all those double shifts she was working, naturally failing to notice this boy sooner. Turns out there were a lot of things she hadn’t been noticing, and everything forced itself into her field of vision when she suddenly got laid off one day. 

“Here, baby,” she put headphones on her boy to allay his fear and hugged him tightly. “I’m right here, okay?” 

It was a miracle how that tyrant nextdoor still had his vocal cords intact with all that drunken yelling, and yelling wasn’t the only thing he was doing. She was trying so hard to calculate the chances of Chris becoming an orphan if she were to intervene herself because a call to the police was not going to yield any result. Just the usual slap on the wrist and they were going to fuck right off. Who would give a damn about what was happening in the wasteland that was the South Side anyway?

She was about to go crazy with how helpless she felt. 

If it was her son in there, there was no way anyone could stand in her way. She felt ashamed. She felt ashamed of her fear. Her shame slowly morphed into a tumor in her heart and eventually popped, splattering the puss of rage everywhere.

“ENOUGH!!!”

She leaped off the bed and raided her closet to find the gun she’d been hiding with the hopes of never having to use it. She barged into the house nextdoor through the back door, immediately cocking the hammer when her eyes found the man. 

“Get the fuck away from the kid, or I’ll blow your brains out,” she threatened, eyes maniacally wide, then kneeled and extended her hand towards the boy. 

“Bitch, what are yo—?”

She shot at the bottles lying on the coffee table, thankfully managing to scare the man. This was good. If she played the crazy bitch card, she could maintain the upper hand. 

“I said away!” she spat through her teeth and turned to the boy again. “Come, sweetheart. Chris is waiting for you.”

As soon as he heard the name, the boy ran into her arms, and Molly’s maternal instincts went into overdrive. In a momentary lapse of sanity, she dashed to the front door, turned the keys dangling in the lock, then rushed to the back entrance with the boy holding onto her for dear life and locked the door from the outside.

“Shh, shh, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, baby, Auntie Molly’s here now,” she kept kissing the boy’s head, leaving the angered screams and the bangs on the door behind her. The second she crossed the threshold of her own home, she put the kid down, and her knees gave way with an overwhelming sense of relief. Once she managed to muster enough strength, she brought a small kit from the bathroom and sat down to clean the boy’s wounds with Chris watching everything in silence.

“T–Thank… you.”

The mother and son froze solid in shock, looking at each other to see if the other heard the words, too.

“Sweetheart, you can talk?” 

“He… h–hurts me when I say words,” the boy spoke in an almost nonexistent voice, refusing to make eye contact at all costs. “I don’t say words anymore.”

Molly could hear her heart breaking, fighting so hard to swallow the knot growing in her throat. She smiled at him brightly to shoo the tears away from her eyes. 

“What’s your name, dear?”

“H–Hyunjin.”

“What a beautiful name,” she caressed his cheek. “Come, it’s time for bed now.”

She tucked both boys in, giving a kiss on each of their foreheads, and wished them sweet dreams. When she turned off the light and closed the door, Chris turned to his side and hugged Hyunjin tightly. 

“You have me,” he whispered like he was sharing a secret. “I’ll protect you. Just follow me, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded. He didn’t have many good memories, but he was surely going to remember that night he got a peaceful sleep, probably the very first one ever since he was alive. 

Nevertheless, that peace of mind was extremely short-lived with a knock on the door the very next morning right after Chris left for school.

“We received a report,” a police officer addressed Molly. “Are you detaining someone else’s child here, ma’am?”

She was utterly aghast, mouth agape as she stared at the man. They wouldn’t give a rat’s ass even when literal murderers were running loose on these streets, and suddenly they were the epitome of sense of duty?

For a false claim?!

“No one is being detained, officer. I only opened up my home to a child in need,” she heaved a deep sigh, slightly annoyed. “Actually, now that you’re here—”

“Did you harm this boy?” the officer’s eyes widened when he saw the bruises on the kid hiding behind her.

“WHAT?! NO!”

“You’re coming to the station with us.”

“What are you talking about?! It wasn’t me! He’s the one you should—”

“Less talking, more walking.”

“Have a good one, Dave,” the man nextdoor waved at the officer, immensely satisfied watching the neighbor bitch get into the police car. His sinister smile vanished when his eyes landed on the boy still standing at that doorstep as if he had turned into stone.

“Hyunjin,” he called out, teeth clenched and nostrils flaring. “Inside. Now.”

This was Chris’ third time repeating the senior year of high school.

The first time he flunked, his teachers were almost expecting it due to his mother’s sudden passing, but everything that followed, they didn’t have an explanation for. Once a decent kid with more than decent grades, he had turned into this aloof vandal with zero intention of carving a future for himself, the front row center audience of disciplinary hearings with his absenteeism through the roof. Every time the guidance counselor wanted to talk to him, he promised not to cut class anymore, just to cut class right after leaving that office. He had no idea why she kept insisting on seeing him this much anyway. This was a trash school in a trash district where trash people lived, and if it weren’t for his irrational desire to graduate alongside Hyunjin, he would have dropped out long ago. He knew nobody actually gave a fuck if he ‘made something of himself’, so why the unnecessary theatrics of ‘I’m worried about you’? 

Eh, maybe she had some quota to fill, who knows?

There was something Chris liked about this school, though. The unused music room-turned-storage in the basement. He brought Carl the janitor his weed at a ridiculously discounted price in exchange for the keys to the secret corner that only belonged to him and Hyunjin. Their little Haven where they got to escape from reality even if it was for a couple of borrowed hours.

“What happened to your lip?” Chris greeted Hyunjin that afternoon with furrowed brows, the worry crawling under his skin turning into rage in record time.

“I fell down.”

“I think the fuck not you did not,” he jumped to head towards the door, fuming out of his nose.

“Chris, stop.”

“I’m either stabbing him to death or calling the police. Take your pick.” 

“You know it’s useless.”

“I don’t give a fuck, I’ll do it every day!” he gently cupped Hyunjin’s cheeks, eyes softening with each moment he spent gazing at his beautiful face. “Every second he’s away from you is a win for me.”

“Don’t,” Hyunjin stared at his shoes. “It gets worse when he comes back home from the station.”

Chris instinctively pulled him into his embrace as if nothing would happen to Hyunjin if he just kept him there. And Hyunjin really believed it. He wished he could just live in Chris’ arms, the only source of respite from his perpetual suffering.

“Let’s just forget about it. I came here to be with you,” Hyunjin gave one of the joints he hid inside his jacket. 

“To be with me,” Chris smirked.

“I–I mean to… to hang out and… whatever.”

Chris didn’t say anything and lit up the cigarette smiling like an idiot, lying down on the old desks he put side by side. Every time Hyunjin let slip things like that, he found himself on the very brink of passing away from endearment, and one of these days, he really wasn’t going to be able to practice restraint anymore. Trying to conceal his devastating longing for him was the hardest thing he had to do, and he had to pull a trigger once. But it was fine. As long as Hyunjin stayed by his side, it didn’t matter if he starved his heart.

It… had to be fine.

“Hey, are you gonna ask anyone to the dance?” Chris asked nonchalantly while making a perfectly shaped smoke ring, to which Hyunjin cackled like a witch.

“That was fucking hysterical. Thanks.”

“What’s so funny?” Chris frowned. “The entire senior floor is drooling over you so much, the corridors always look freshly polished. They’re gonna fire Carl because of you.”

“Fuck the dance, man. Let’s just go get trashed by the river instead.”

“You’re passing up on swiping your V-card?” Chris cocked a brow with a shit-eating grin.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb. Everybody knows what happens in the parking lot on the night of the dance.”

Yeah, no shit! Yes, he knew, thank you very much. That was exactly why Hyunjin didn’t want to be in the parking lot. He wanted to be alone with Chris at their spot by the river. It was an insane idea when he couldn’t even muster the courage to kiss him, and yet he wanted to ask him to… 

“Are you gonna ask anyone?” he hesitantly questioned.

“Nah, I’m busy that day.” 

“With what?”

“I got invited to get trashed by the river.”

They lazily smiled at each other. If only things were different. Chris would definitely ask Hyunjin to go to the dance with him. They would obviously be the hottest couple of the night, making so many bitches die of jealousy, but he wouldn’t take him to the parking lot afterwards. He would take him to their spot by the river, kiss him for hours, then beg Hyunjin to end his misery, to release him from this prison of yearning. He would whisper how he was all Chris could see when he closed his eyes. He would whisper how he wanted to be the first and only person to kiss him, to touch him, to make him cum, and then ask him to hold his hand for an eternity.

If only…

“I uh… I got you something,” Hyunjin rose to his feet to walk towards the dusty lockers at the back of the room. “Close your eyes.”

“You fucking care about me!” Chris dramatically gasped. “My birthday was months ago. Where did this come from?”

“Well, I didn’t have the money yet on your birthday.”

“What money? Bagel sandwiches cost like five bucks.”

“Well, that stupid thing you like so much costs a bit more, so…” Hyunjin returned to the desk, his throat experiencing acute drought for some reason. “Alright, you can look.”

Chris opened his eyes, and his heart did a kamikaze dive to the ground, vanishing the smile on his lips in an instant.

Every time they passed by the record store, he always insisted on going in although he was never going to make a purchase. The store owner was at least nice; he allowed them to hang out and even let Chris play one of the guitars on display. It was the cheapest one of the lot, but Chris still lost his mind over it. 

And now ‘his girl Roxy’ was standing right before his eyes.

“Hyun…” 

“If the dramatic pause is to ask if I stole it, no I didn’t,” Hyunjin responded to his questioning gaze. “I’ve been working at the gas station after school.” 

“You what?” Chris’ eyes started welling up uncontrollably. “For–For this?”

“Don’t fucking flatter yourself,” Hyunjin scoffed, but his fingers were scratching his nape out of nervous habit. “I get to not go home and stuff, too, you know.”

Chris wanted to cry a little bit. He wanted to ask why the absolute fuck Hyunjin was the purest thing in this cesspit of a world that didn’t deserve him. He wanted to hold him a little bit. Drown him in kisses, inhale his scent from the intersection where his ear met his neck. Tell him to never ever let his hand go and please please love him back.

“I will guard this with my life,” was all he could say.

The light in Chris’ eyes was so bright that Hyunjin couldn’t help contracting it. He loved making Chris smile. He was so easy to make happy, so easy to fall madly in love with, and so easy to love. It made Hyunjin’s heart stop every time he saw those dimples. It violently killed Hyunjin when he heard Chris’ giggles. It wasn’t the worst idea to spend the rest of his life hearing that sound in his ears every day. 

And when the most beautiful man in the entire universe smiled at him like that, Chris finally lost his last drop of patience, and his lips clutched Hyunjin’s for dear life.

Time stopped.

Hyunjin was convinced he had categorically gone crazy. He had been imagining this moment so concerningly frequently that he was having a full-on psychosis. He could actually feel Chris’ lips on him as well as the rhythm of his heartbeat pounding loud within his own body. He was overwhelmed to the point of paralysis, unable to move an inch.

When his kiss wasn’t reciprocated, Chris pulled back to see a frozen Hyunjin, his eyes wide open in shock, and an immediate wave of panic washed over him.

“I–I’m sorry. I thought… That was stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry. I’m… Fuck!”

Chris bolted out of that place towards the restroom, dying of embarrassment and incredulous of what he had just done. He couldn’t fucking help himself, and now it was going to get awkward as hell. Was Hyunjin going to avoid him now? Was he disgusted by him? Was he weirded out? How could he make things right again? Should he say he was too faded and didn’t remember? Should he not talk about it at all and act like it never happened? Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!

Meanwhile, Hyunjin just stood in the middle of that room with his fingers pressed on his lips for god knows how long, his first kiss still ablaze on his skin like an open wound.

Seventeen years. Eleven months. Twenty-nine days. 

Hyunjin had been counting, and after what felt like several eternities, D-Day had finally arrived. 

“I’ve kept this from you all along,” Chris spoke with profound seriousness as they got out of his mom’s faithful Camry, “but I’m actually a genie.”

A lot of people had their spots by the river, but they were out in the open somewhere on the lush lawn, strategically occupied by couples to remind the passersby of how lonely they were. Being highly allergic to crowds, Hyunjin and Chris picked their spot at a godforsaken location, still by the riverbank but somewhere they could at least pull up with a car. It was a literal underpass slightly reminiscent of an abandoned junkyard, but at least it was secluded, quiet, and had a killer view at nighttime. It was Haven the sequel.

And on the night of the school dance, Haven the sequel was hosting Hyunjin’s birthday.

“Have you finally lost your mind?” Hyunjin contorted his face.

“What do you mean finally?” Chris widened his eyes with not-so-make-believe lunacy and walked to the back of the car. “Remember when you said the only way for you to find peace was if you could wipe out the entire neighborhood?”

Inside the trunk lay the two sledgehammers that Chris borrowed from the body shop down the street. He took them both out, then led the way towards the left where the moonlight ricocheted off some shiny surfaces in the distance. Once Hyunjin’s eyes got used to the darkness, he could finally make out what he was looking at. There was a bunch of stuff lying around that wasn’t there before—old monitors, an empty cooler, a TV, various furniture about to fall apart if someone so much as sneezed… 

“Close enough, yeah?” Chris handed one of the sledgehammers to Hyunjin. “Happy birthday.” 

When Hyunjin felt that sturdy grip under his touch, he felt weirdly… in control. Something he never once was able to feel in the seventeen years, eleven months, and twenty-nine days he was alive. Every single piece of junk standing before him was slowly shapeshifting into his demons, reminding him of everything that was stolen from him, and derisively laughing at his face. He could hear his blood rushing in his veins. His chest was heaving as if he had been running for hours. His breathing was quickening beyond his control. Then some more. Then some more, and…

With an ear-piercing scream, he bolted towards that cooler at full speed and slammed the sledgehammer like he wanted to gut it alive.

Both boys consumed with the raging urge to destruct, they broke, they shattered, they smashed, screaming their lungs out, maniacally laughing for no reason, just letting it all out. Letting out all the poison gangrening their existence. All the suffering sinking its teeth on their shoulders. All the tears they couldn’t cry. All the broken dreams they dared to dream once. At this very moment, they were elsewhere, far, far, far away, living other lives as other people.

And they were deliriously happy.

“That felt so good!”

When they returned to the car and got inside, Hyunjin was still smiling, completely unable to control the curls on his lips. Witnessing such a miraculous sight multiplied Chris’ happiness infinityfold. After taking a long sip from his flask, he handed it to Hyunjin to quench his thirst and started watching the nightscape stretching before them. Bright lights, tall buildings, home to some lucky bastards’ lives. 

He didn’t have much maybe, but as he gazed at Hyunjin’s lost-in-thought silhouette, Chris could see what his luck was spent on, and he couldn’t be any more content.

“What?” Hyunjin looked back when he noticed Chris’ eyes on him.

“You look like you want to say something.” 

It all had boiled down to this. 

After the incident at Haven, neither of them talked about it even though that was the only thing both were dying to talk about. As Chris was experiencing back-to-back existential crises, Hyunjin was floating in a cloud of bliss with the gigantic green light he received from Chris. He wanted to do it again but properly this time. And he wanted to do much more than kissing, but he had to time it just right. It had to be at a time and place where no soul-crushing ‘We can’t’ could be uttered. When they were alone. When they were close. 

Where nobody could interrupt them.

“You… had sex before, right?” Hyunjin stared at his fingers. 

Tremendously blindsided, Chris burst into laughter so hard that it came out as a wheeze. It may have sounded like joy but the singular emotion riddling his existence was suffocating nervousness.

“Why are you asking?” he spoke with perfectly intact composure.

“Nothing, I just…” 

Chris examined every single twitch on Hyunjin’s face. He didn’t want to spectacularly misread him again, but he just had this undeniable feeling. Something exuding from Hyunjin was condensing in the air, and every time it rained on Chris’ heart, it beat a little harder in his throat.

“Did you… change your mind about the dance?” Chris lowered his head, trying to hold Hyunjin’s gaze.

“No, it’s not… it’s not about the dance.”

“Then what is it about?”

Hyunjin was uncontrollably blushing, trying to pick the right way to word this. Even though he wanted Chris in extremely disrespectful ways, the last thing he wanted to come across was crass. 

Because as much as bodily fluids, he wanted to exchange hearts with the exclusive owner of his soul.

“I’ve been… waiting,” he started with a small voice, “for–for us to…”

Oh god, is this…?

Because Chris had been waiting, too. He had been patiently waiting ever since he noticed that thing he felt whenever he caught a glimpse of Hyunjin was nowhere near brotherly. He was thoroughly consumed by his love for the kiwi boy who sported a buzzcut his entire life, and he would burn this world down for him if he asked. He wanted him to ask. Right fucking now.

But he would rather die than force Hyunjin to do something he wasn’t ready for. 

He smiled instead and reached for the backseat to pick up a small box that looked like a cube. Hyunjin instantly knew what was in there because of the signature packaging. Something they got to have only twice in a year. Chris picked up the singular candle resting inside, stuck it into the creamy frosting, and lit it up.

“Make a wish,” he held the red velvet cupcake before him, excessive adoration beaming out of his eyes.

Hyunjin closed his eyes, made his wish, and blew the candle. Then he broke the pastry in two and fed Chris one half.

“What did you wish for?” Chris asked licking the frosting off his lips.

“I want to be happy,” Hyunjin responded without a beat.

Those eyes… Those angelic eyes writhing under broken wings… It shattered Chris’ soul. He only wanted to see lights in there, but they were so dim. He wanted to rip his own heart out and give it to Hyunjin. He wanted to give whatever granular happiness he was able to taste to him. He wanted to shelter him. He wanted to love him.

He wanted to give him everything.

“I can… make you very happy,” he spoke somewhat abashed, eyes lowered to his own hands, “if you let me.”

He flinched in his place when Hyunjin unexpectedly reached for his face. Those long, slender fingers brushed against his lips, immediately coercing a sharp exhale out of Chris just with that simple touch. All Hyunjin could think about was how Chris had the most kissable lips in the world. So full, so inviting parted like that, begging him to come taste him. Fallen slave to his maddening desire for this man, he slowly closed the distance between them and spoke against those lips he had been violently daydreaming about.

“Do it again but don’t pull away from me this time,” Hyunjin whispered.

Bolts of lightning started to strike that car back to back.

One hesitant peck became two, then three, four, each staying a while longer than the last. One pair of lips hugged the other, extremely persuasive to go skinny dipping in the ocean of passion. 

They got their toes wet in the shallow end first. 

Just a kiss, but it was a promise. It was an abyss, making a man in love want to fall into it forever. A kiss, but it was a wordless confession. It was a heartless conviction, making a man in love want to become a prisoner for three life sentences straight.

That kiss was two souls merging into one in fate.

“You make sense to me,” Chris whispered breathlessly. “You are the only thing that makes sense in my insanity.”

Hyunjin felt so lost but he was right where he was always supposed to be. Nowhere felt as safe as Chris’ lips kissing his pain away, his arms the safest haven, his touch the only ointment to soothe the burn marks all over his charred soul. 

He wanted to say it all out loud, but every pause felt like an utter waste of time he could be spending loving him instead.

Chris snuck into the back seat, pulling Hyunjin with him. They were cursing at themselves for deciding to put on so many layers that night, but when they finally reached the last one and stood bare before each other, Chris was moved to tears by Hyunjin’s beauty despite the bruises covering him all over.

“God, you’re so fucking perfect,” he caressed Hyunjin’s face. “I can’t believe you’re real sometimes.”

Hyunjin held the hand breathing life into him and kissed each of those fingers like they were his savior and he was expressing his heartfelt gratitude. He kissed that wrist like the elixir of life was flowing in those veins. He pressed that palm on his chest like it could jumpstart his heart back to life again, then slid it down towards his crotch.

“Touch me.”

Chris thickly swallowed. He had imagined this moment embarrassingly often, but now that it was about to happen for real, he was having a little trouble breathing. He lay Hyunjin down and unbuttoned his pants, heartbeat going crazy in his ears as he stripped him bare. At long last, when he finally laid his eyes on what he only saw in his dreams…

“Oh, fuck me!” 

“I’m trying to,” Hyunjin responded with a straight face.

As they chuckled at each other, Hyunjin reached for Chris’ waistband and tugged on it, silently making a wish to be on equal grounds. He couldn’t help the throb between his legs when he witnessed the man of his dreams in all his glory, fully hard and begging for his touch. Chris lay next to him, basking in the unreal beauty, and sneaked a hand between Hyunjin’s legs, kissing him lazily as he gently stroked his girth.

Someone else’s touch. Chris’ touch. Something he always longed for but was too scared to verbalize even to himself. He was having the hardest time comprehending Chris was right next to him, naked, body ablaze, quietly moaning into his mouth while pleasuring him. 

Starting from his shoulder, Hyunjin traced the outline of Chris’ body with his fingers and stopped when he reached his waist, taking a turn towards his crotch. The heat he felt under his touch suddenly condensed, and Chris moaned louder when he felt Hyunjin’s fingers wrapped around him, rubbing his cock against his own.

“Do you feel it?” Chris pressed his chest against Hyunjin’s a little more. “How you make my heart race?”

Hyunjin fervently nodded. He couldn’t tell whose heart it was anymore, but it was pounding loud like it was about to burst, sending waves after waves of headrush straight to his brain, making all his thoughts go fuzzy.

“You have me. You’ve always had me,” Chris kissed Hyunjin’s palm, then pressed it on the left side of his chest. “Right here.”

Hyunjin was so overwhelmed that he was on the brink of crying. 

When Chris’ rhythm quickened, Hyunjin matched his pace, and all hell started breaking loose around them. He was running to the finish line at full speed but got sidetracked when a drop of Chris’ precum landed on his hand. He stared straight into his eyes, making a complete show of obscenely licking it clean, diminishing Chris into a panting, moaning mess just with that little display of what he was capable of doing with his tongue. 

“Let it out,” Chris urged him through his own moans. “Give me all of you.”

“Faster.”

“Cum with me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you. FUCK!”

The tremors traveling from one body to the other transformed into wet debris when they reached their destination. Gasps for air were silenced with lips crashing into each other, holding on tight until they safely landed. Neither of them cared about the mess; if anything they wanted more of it as ink to sign one another under their names. They held each other tightly, overdosing on the happiness and satisfaction they didn’t even know existed, sure to turn into instant addicts momentarily.

“Don’t you just love the sound of silence?” Chris dreamily smiled as he gazed into the neon silhouette framed by the window, fingers running on Hyunjin’s porcelain skin. The only response he received was a content chuckle and a kiss on his chest.

They listened to the city singing in the distance. They listened to each other’s heartbeats. Then listened to the silence cradling both of them.

It was all they needed besides each other.

“Come with me,” Chris repeated his earlier request, tangling his fingers within Hyunjin’s.

“Where?”

“Away,” he lifted his chin to look into his eyes. “Let’s escape. From this shithole. From all our misery. It’ll be an adventure!”

“Where are we even gonna go?”

“Somewhere nobody knows. It’ll be just you and me,” Chris shoved a thousand pleas into his voice. “I promise I’ll take all your pain away. Just promise me you’ll love me a little more every day.”

Hyunjin pulled himself up and sealed his promise with a kiss. Chris didn’t need to ‘take his pain away’; every time they were breathing the same air, Hyunjin was unable to feel it anyway.

“I promise I’ll love you a lot more,” he ran his fingers through the unruly curls he loved so much, “but in exchange, you will promise to give me all of you.”

“Please let me come in with you.”

“It’s fine. Just wait for me here,” Hyunjin reassured him. “He hides the money in the living room. I’ll be in and out in two seconds.” 

As soon as that back door closed, Chris started chainsmoking out of sheer nerves, lighting one cigarette before he even fully finished the other. No need to think about the worst, it was going to be fine. Hyunjin said he would be in and out. He would be out any second now, and they would leave to never come back.

But then he heard the sound of glass shattering inside as well as a loud groan, something possessed him entirely. 

“You fucking DID NOT!!!”

He barged into the house ready to kill, frantically looking for Hyunjin, but instead of a commotion, there was a bone-chilling silence haunting the place. His heart was about to jump out of his chest when he made it to the living room, terrified of what might be waiting for him inside. 

“H–Hyun?”

Hyunjin was looking at the lifeless body lying on the floor with glazed eyes. The coldest stare Chris had ever seen. No emotion on the face whatsoever, clearly struck with shock, beautiful hands covered in blood with one of them tightly gripping a large kitchen knife.

“Are you hurt?” he immediately kneeled before Hyunjin, quickly checking for an injury. “Look at me. He had it coming, you hear me? For years.” 

Hyunjin turned his blank stare to Chris, unable to snap out of it even though that was all he wanted to do, uncontrollably shaking.

“You have me,” Chris hugged him tight. “It’s over now. You have me. I love you.”

It was as if Hyunjin had teleported to Chris’ childhood bedroom. He remembered the night he was there for the very first time. How he slept the most peaceful sleep of his life in that bed, the heart beating next to him the safest blanket. 

I’ll protect you. Just follow me, okay?

Something in the back of his head suddenly snapped, vacuuming him back into reality through the vortex of memories, and the second his feet touched the ground again, a gut-wrenching wail ripped from his throat. No regret. No grief.

Just pure, unmitigated relief of being unchained from his darkness. 

He heard all his shackles loudly break, and years of pain drained from his body with every tear he shed. In the arms of the only man that could comfort him. 

And it would take a while for Chris to burn down the world for him, but he could still burn down something. 

He turned the keys dangling in the lock of the front door first, then went to the basement to pick up a gallon of gas, pouring it all over the place as he walked back to the living room. Then he grabbed the lighter on the coffee table, held Hyunjin’s hand, and headed to the back entrance. 

He took out his own pack from his pocket and grabbed one smoke for himself and one for Hyunjin. He clicked the Zippo to light both cigarettes, then threw it inside the house and locked the back door. They smoked in silence as if they had all the time to kill, listening to the savior phoenix growing even more majestic inside with loud crackles. As the rampant blazes consumed Hyunjin’s den of nightmares, the strangest feeling of serenity enveloped both of them.

The sky was burning, but it wasn’t the blood sun. It was the flames rising above Crown Street, 21. 

It was snowing, but it wasn’t snow falling from the burning sky. It was the ashes of a childhood burnt, a soul scorched, and shackles on fire scattered all over the South Side.

“Sometimes I get scared that you’re not real and I’m making you up in my head,” Hyunjin spoke with pensive eyes.

“Just because you’re making it up why would it mean it’s not real?” Chris smiled at the love of his life.

They leisurely walked to the car they made love to each other for the first time and settled in their seats with endless peace painting a genuine smile on their faces. Chris interlocked his fingers with Hyunjin’s and squeezed his hand tight.

“Don’t let go of my hand,” he pulled him closer for a kiss and looked into those beautiful eyes that harbored a newborn flicker of light in them. “You have me.”

He slammed on the gas pedal, and the two lovers drove away into the night. As they disappeared to a place nobody even knew, Chris thought to himself there wasn’t much he wanted from this life, nor did he need much to be happy. He could make do as long as he had three things only.

A guitar.

You.

And the streets.

Exxxtraoddinary? Appreciate with a pudding.

© 2025 Feelfolio.

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