MOONSHINE

"How have you been?"

SYNOPSIS

Right person, horrendous time.

He is always going to be your prince charming no matter how many years pass by, but it's getting a little tiring to look for him in everybody you meet. When you least expect it, he makes a comeback in your life albeit simply as a colleague.

Can this be a sign?

*Check out the interactive version here

Everyone has a name, and it’s most likely something average. Even if it’s one of a kind, you’ll inevitably become desensitized to it since everybody calls you that to pique your attention. Sometimes so frequently that it gets on your last goddamn nerve.

But when Chris moans it, all of a sudden it becomes a prayer. It feels like it holds weight and that it shouldn’t be spoken in vain. It makes you feel like a goddess. The one he worships.

There could be no nightscape more beautiful than the moon shining on his naked skin. His warm embrace and his even warmer kisses numbed the coldness of the sand pressing on your back. The world could be ending right this very moment, and you still wouldn’t care. Nothing felt safer than being in his arms.

“Closer, Luna.”

Everyone has a name, but then there is the one your other half gives you, and it puts all the names to fucking shame.

His Luna. His one and only source of light brightening up his darkest nights. His darkest thoughts.

His darkest hour. 

You wrapped yourself tighter around him, but it made no difference. He could occupy the exact same space as you, take refuge in your deepest corners, and he still wouldn’t deem it close enough. Even when you shared the exact same breath of air, you missed him.

You missed him deliriously.

“Touch me,” his breathing quickened like his heart was about to give out, and he pleaded for his life looking into your eyes, “Touch me more, I’m dying!”

You snapped your eyes open to a day that no longer had any daylight in it, heart heavy and pounding, alone in your living room.

Not... Again...

Two years. Two years without him. Two years mourning the unfillable void he left behind even though it was supposed to be a mutual decision. Two years spent to allegedly heal where you put a deadbolt at your heart’s door and hissed at everyone who dared come close because there was still a murder investigation going on inside, relentlessly refusing that it was a cold case with absolutely no leads.

Two years in denial that you were still madly in love with him. 

Ever since Chris walked out of your life, you seemed to have developed a maddeningly recurring problem, some nights more torturous than others. Maybe the astrology ladies at work were right and full moons were indeed fucking up your sleep quality, who knows? The duration didn’t matter—be it a quick 15-minute nap or a full night’s rest(lessness), he just wouldn’t stop haunting your dreams. Always with his devastating smile. Always loving you to the ends of the world. Always promising to never let you go just to perjure himself for the umpteenth time with no jail time whatsoever, vanishing into thin air the second you opened your eyes. You were losing him all over again at frequent intervals, and the cruelty of it all was unbearable. The ugly truth was becoming more and more apparent each time no matter how much you wanted to ignore it.

No one was going to save you. You had to save yourself.

Until surgically removing your memories was a viable option, you thought you could at least try and overwrite some of them. You chose the day that would be your eighth anniversary as if to see how much you could bleed before you died. At the bar you used to go to but couldn’t dare step foot in for the past two years. You were sick of feeling like you were merely breathing.

You wanted to feel alive.

As you transformed yourself in front of your mirror, you tried to forecast the night ahead of you. Was the real love of your life going to be inside courtesy of some ironic karma? Were you going to break down crying before even walking in? Would you finally get the closure you desperately needed to close this seemingly neverending chapter of your life?

You had no idea.

All you knew was that you wanted to break free of your phantom chains tonight.

Not dying was a great first step.

Alibi hadn’t changed one bit since the last time you were here. Same decor, same loud chatter, even the same bartender treating his regulars like long-time friends from his neighborhood because as far as he was concerned, they were.

“Can I get the signature Soul Cleanse of the bartender, please?” you leaned into the bar top.

“No… fucking… way!” Kevin’s eyes widened, and he broke into a gigantic smile, “It’s really you!”

He almost lunged at you with a big hug. The way he beamed up at your sight inadvertently put a smile on your face, too.

You had no recollection of the last time you felt this seedling of genuine joy sprouting in your heart. Maybe you never did. Not since... 

Well...

“Where have you been, baby girl?” he immediately started making your usual as you sat down on an empty stool, “You haven’t picked up any of my calls. I thought you skipped town or something.”

“To be fair, I almost did,” you acknowledged, “Turns out you can’t leave your heart home when you want to disappear.”

“How are you holding up?” he placed your drink on the coaster before you.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged and started playing with the straw in your glass, “Do I look like I’m coping well?”

“If what you look like is my only parameter, you must be fucking crushing it,” he cheekily winked, “but my question stands.”

How were you holding up? Did you even hold up at all? All the pillowcases you washed with your tears would respectfully disagree, and Kevin would think you were insane if you told him you checked into a hotel for a week the day after your breakup since you couldn’t stand being in your apartment.

How could you when Chris’ scent still lingered everywhere?

“I’m hanging in there,” you responded with a broken smile instead.

“Insanely long day, Kev. You know what to do.”

While Kevin proceeded to prepare an obvious usual, you were startled by the crass stranger plopping onto the stool next to yours. He looked a bit aloof, either due to a tiring workday or as a default personality trait. As he pulled his phone out from his pocket, his hand reached for what would be the exact coordinates of the little popcorn bowl in front of you, but all he could grab was air.

“Wait this isn’t my stool,” he finally noticed where he was, then pointed at you when he turned to your direction, “You are new.”

“You are newer,” you furrowed your brows at his audacity getting thicker by the second, “I practically co-own this place.”

“Back it up if you’re gonna lie. I’ve literally never seen you around.”

“Of course you wouldn’t! I was away.”

“You’d better have an irrefutably legit reason to hijack my stool, runaway lady.”

You squinted your eyes to yell a silent ‘The fuck is the matter with you?’. It was just a fucking stool. How come he acted like his life would end if he sat fifty centimeters to the left?

“Fine. Pilgrimage, Peace Corps, or jail. And one of them is true,” you presented him with his options, “Take your pick.”

You had braced yourself for another insufferable serve, but much to your surprise, he loudly snorted. When his resting bitchface disappeared, he was actually quite an attractive man with high cheekbones.

“Pleasure to meet you in person,” he extended his hand, “I’m Minho.”

“Behave yourself or I’ll stab your ass without blinking,” Kevin psychotically smiled at the man, “Enjoy, brother.”

“How do you know me?” you slowly reciprocated the handshake, contemplating whether the feline dude was a psychic or not.

“Kev might have mentioned in the passing that he missed a particularly sassy friend of his a lot,” he explained as he downed half his drink in one go, “You fit the description.”

Talking to Minho felt… nice. Maybe it was because he was a close friend of Kevin’s that you felt this safe, but even when he proceeded to blatantly flirt with you, you welcomed it with open arms. Heck, you fully enabled him. All of a sudden, the outside wasn’t this dementor playground out to drain your soul, and contrary to all the unkind things you made up in your head for the past two years, someone was clearly interested in you, and you felt great about it. 

And everything was going just fine until something cold zoomed down your spine, immediately turning you into stone. 

“Luna?”

No…

It finally happened. You had gone spectacularly insane and were now hearing things. While trying to appease your anguish, you had aggravated it instead. It was a fucking mistake coming here tonight. On this very day. What were you even thinking?

You had done this to yourself. 

If Minho didn’t turn towards the source of the voice, you weren’t going to move an inch to avoid appearing crazy, but he did. With the heaviness of your soul almost anchoring you to the floor, you slowly turned around, and your heart fell from your chest.

It was him.

“I’m sorry. Have we met?”

Sure. Look at the face of the man you picked the names of your kids with and ask Have we fucking met? That checks out. 

He was fully aware you didn’t mean it as ‘Oh, I’ve never met you in my entire life’. The tone of your voice was filled with so much hurt that he knew you wished you never met him.

No amount of sorry could undo the past.

“Chris. From work,” he played along with a smile, briefly checking out the man sitting right next to you, “We used to share a studio”

“Oh, right, then you fucked right off to do biiig things with your career. Was it worth it?”

And there it was. The resentment riddling your entire existence found the tiniest crack and gushed out with pressure so high it would knock down anyone standing in the way.

“Honestly? I wish I never went,” he scratched his nape with a sheepish smile, “You look good.”

You look good? 

Why yes, you looked goddamn perfect actually. It took multiple lifetimes’ worth of pain to look this good, maybe he needed to fucking try his hand at it sometime!

Your eyes were wide open and your jaw was clenched, trying to choke back all the sobs piling up in your throat. The whirlwind of emotions you were feeling was nauseating. You were still so so so angry at him. Your wounds still hadn’t turned into scars, and it burned if someone so much as blew air on them. Nevertheless…

His face looked all cheery, but you had known this man for far too long. He was miserable. No one else could see it, but you could perfectly make out the immeasurable sorrow in his gaze. 

And if he had somehow reverted to who you found him as, he wasn’t coping well at all.

“I don’t wish to interrupt your evening,” he stole a glance from Minho, then turned to you with quietly pleading eyes, “but would it be okay if we grabbed drinks sometime?”

The words you would utter next held grave importance. You held his fate between your lips. This was your chance to avenge the bottom-circle-of-hell kinda pain he had put you through, but when he looked at you with those eyes…

God, those eyes…

“Sure, why not?” you heard yourself speak completely out of your own will.

He heaved a sigh of relief and smiled so brightly that you felt like you were getting stabbed in the chest.

“Then we’ll see each other soon!” he chirped, way too happy for his own good, “Enjoy your evening.”

Then he left, but it was as if he never left. As if he was going to greet you at the door when you returned home, kiss you welcome, listen to your day, and then cajole you into letting him make love to you all night. The bird in your chest was flapping its wings a bit too fast, and you were scared its heart was going to explode.

This may have been a very bad move.

“A friend of yours?” Minho pulled you back to earth again.

“Yeah,” you responded with a smile only meaningful to yourself, “A friend.”

“Another round?”

“You know what, I think I’ll call it a night,” you finished your glass and reached for your wallet to pay the check, “Thank you for the company, Minho. I really needed it.”

“Will I be seeing you here soon at least?”

As you stood up to your feet and put your bag on, a somewhat mysterious smile appeared on your lips.

“Maybe.”

It took two full days to digest the fact that you and Chris were under the same sky again, but it came with a side of unanswered questions. When did he get back? Why did he get back? How long was he in town for? Why did he want to get drinks with you? 

And most importantly, could you manage to stay sane until you get your answers?

After what felt like a lifetime, Monday finally arrived, and being surrounded by familiar faces was doing wonders for your mood already. You were in the middle of a fervent review when your division head walked into the crowded meeting room.

“Can we make this quick, boss?” Changbin promptly called out to the woman standing by the head of the table, “The entire Division 3 is getting their ass kicked with the upcoming launch.”

“Relax. A little hookie won’t kill anyone.”

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GAVE US THE IMPOSSIBLE DEADLINE!”

“Geez, fine!” Drea rolled her eyes among the chuckles spreading around, “Since Lord Seo does not deem it appropriate, this won’t be one of our fun Monday meetings.”

“What fun Monday meetings?”

The snappy answer evolved the giggles into full-on laughter, alleviating some of the stress-induced tension in the room. You pretended to hit him on the head and gestured an ‘I got your back’ to Drea.

“I won’t keep you here long. I just wanted to share a bit of news,” she headed towards the door and pulled on the handle, “Someone  finally returned to the nest.”

“NO FUCKING WAY! BANG IS HOME!”

When Chris walked in, the aura in the room suddenly turned bright orange with people cheering, hugging the man of the hour, and high-fiving him whereas you were screaming inside. For some reason, you assumed he was in town for a short leisurely visit or maybe a business trip of sorts. You had no idea he had returned permanently.

But… why didn’t he say anything then?

Your eyes darted to his wrist when a glimmer of light ricocheted off it, and it took everything in your willpower not to break down crying. It was the silver bracelet you had gifted him god knows how long ago. Was he wearing this back at the bar, too? 

Did it even mean anything that he was wearing this right now?

When you looked up again and met his gaze, his smile had dimmed by then. You couldn’t find it in yourself to shriek ‘Oh-em-gee, I missed you!’ like the literal rest of the population in the room. All you did was politely nod at each other from afar. That would have to do.

You had no idea how the rest of that meeting went for how much your head was buzzing. The second Drea ended the meeting, you practically dashed out of the room to hide in your office, urging the reception outside not to let anyone in.

Nevertheless, permanently setting up camp there was not an option; you had to come out of your hideout at some point for sustenance purposes. After confirming the coast was clear, you walked towards the water cooler outside the kitchen area with quick steps.

You did not mean to eavesdrop on the heated discussion going on inside, but…

“Stop beating around the bush and give us the dirt!” Tim’s voice reached your ears, “Word on the street is your bed hosted quite the parade when you were away. Is it true you fucked a pornstar?”

“Thank you for naming what was an obvious cry for help dirt,” Chris scoffed, “It’s not what you think, man. I was just trying to distract myself.”

“And? Are you properly distracted or is the quest still going on?”

“Sorry to disappoint, but no quest since I returned.”

“Nah, you did not keep it in your pants for the past six months, bro. You’re a legend for a reason!”

Six… months? 

He’d been around for six months and you had no fucking idea?

Whereas people knew?!

That stabbing sensation returned to your chest again. So when you were wrapped up in your cocoon of unbelievable pain, he was out partying his ass off. Changbin was definitely going to get an earful about not telling you anything about this fucking dumpster fire. 

As you were trying to calm your breathing, the group of men stepped out of the kitchen, giving you the second jumpscare of the day, and when Chris’ eyes met yours, you immediately turned around to head back to your room.

“Luna!”

You stopped dead in your tracks and faced him with a smile as if you just coincidentally crossed paths in the hallway.

“Yes?”

Chris opened his mouth to say something but quickly gave up, letting out only an exhale. He stared at the floor to gather his thoughts, taking a moment to muster the courage to meet your gaze again.

“It must have been a surprise to see me here.”

“You don’t fucking say,” you raised your brows, incredulous that he actually said it, “I think HR made a mistake. I don’t remember advertising for a parade master position.”

A thin coat of blush suddenly painted his cheeks as if he got caught red-handed. 

“You… heard that, huh?” he averted his gaze from you, expression tainted with guilt through and through.

“Apparently everyone within the five-kilometer radius heard about your exploits,” you crossed your arms over your chest like you wanted to shield yourself from something.

“I deserve that.”

“Hope you at least used a condom with the pornstar,” you turned around to leave as your voice trailed off, “If there isn’t anything else…”

“Wait!”

He grabbed your hand in panic, but that touch was enough to make your entire body shudder. Distant memories of Sunday walks suddenly cropped up in your head, reminiscent of war flashbacks rather than heartwarming nostalgia. You took one look at his hand, and he immediately let go, concerned he overstepped something he shouldn’t have.

“There is… There is something I wanted to tell you. In private,” he took a deep breath before taking the leap of faith, “Can we have dinner tonight?”

If you want to kill someone, give them hope for it’s the most dangerous of weapons.

Ever since you ran into Chris at Alibi, the angel and the devil on your shoulders were constantly beefing with each other. As much as the angel was trying to mollify you, telling you not to be so harsh if not flat out cave to him for the sake of all the happiness you had given each other, the devil was reciting an entire laundry list of reasons why you were so miserable for the past two years, forcing everything to flash before your eyes again and again. The sleepless nights, the crying fits, the consequential trust issues, the Chris-shaped void he carved into your soul, everything you did to soothe the pain or didn’t even have the power to for that matter. Nevertheless…

Even after all this time, you still couldn’t help it when he looked at you with those big brown eyes of his. No matter how much you tried to favor the devil, the angel emerged victorious with blood splattered all over her face. 

“Fine,” you responded with full composure, perfectly hiding any subtle mimic hinting at possible excitement.

Chris looked utterly elated at your acceptance, and you hated how much it made your heart sizzle. 

“I’ll see you at our usual diner after work then,” he smiled blindingly. You died again.

Did you just make the biggest mistake of your life by any chance?

As you walked to the diner one block away from the company building, something inexplicable was churning in the pit of your stomach. He wanted to tell you something but in private. What was that important that you had to be away from people? Was it solely because he wanted to keep the moment between the two of you or was he trying to prevent a scene?

All these thoughts accompanying you all the way, you finally made it to your destination. You pushed the door open, and there he was, waiting for you at your usual booth at the very back of the room. 

The diner was as cozy as ever, but the atmosphere surrounding the two of you was still a bit tense. Trying to act normal around a person you dedicated a huge chunk of your life to at one point took a lot more effort than you thought.

“So,” Chris scooted closer into the table once your orders arrived, “How have you been?”

Where to even fucking start? Would you tell him how much you missed him? Would you reproach him for not calling you even once? Or would you cast everything aside and pretend everything was alright with the universe?

You were my everything, Chris. I didn’t know what to do with myself after you left. I’m trying my best to move on, but I still see you everywhere. In everyone. It’s so hard to reassemble the pieces of my broken heart when the shards keep pricking my hands. Did you miss me at all? Did you think about me even for once when you were touching other people? How come it’s this easy for you to act like we haven’t dreamt of a life together? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back? Didn’t you want to see me at all? Is this one of your elaborate schemes again? What do you get out of hurting me so much?

“Luna?” he lowered his face to meet your gaze upon your prolonged silence, and when his hand touched yours over the table, you jumped in your place like someone shocked you.

“Let’s just… not,” you pulled your hand back and held onto the water glass in front of you for dear life, “What did you want to tell me?”

“We’re not even going to eat first?” he faintly smiled as he reached for his fork.

“I’m not that hungry,” you pushed your plate away and clasped your hands on the table, “So what is it?”

He put the fork back before having his first bite, and his expression turned all serious.

“Fine,” he heaved a deep sigh, “I appreciate you meeting me here since I wanted to do it face to face.” 

Sometimes you can guess the kind of information you are about to be hit with. You know it’s hot goss when someone opens with ‘You will not believe…’ You know they actually do not like something when they say ‘I like this, but...’

‘I wanted to do this face to face’ was never a sign of good news, but never in your wildest dreams would you be able to guess this reveal.

“I’m getting married.”

Something warm suddenly raided your cheeks and started to climb to the tip of your ears. A faint ringing sound was heard somewhere, and your mind went completely blank. 

“I’m sorry, I’m having a very long day so I must have misheard you,” you shook your head to recollect yourself, “Did you just say… you’re getting married?”

“Yes.”

“Is this a fucking joke?”

“No,” he responded rather cheerily, “I wanted you to be the first to hear it.”

“FUCKING WHY?!”

Your shriek turned several heads in your direction to see what you were wailing about. The scene looked like it belonged to an absurd play—a seeming face-off between two people, one of them rightfully fuming yet the other wearing a carefree smile. It was as if you were the corporeal manifestations of the angel and the devil on your shoulders.

“Because you’re the person who matters to me the most.”

Was he even hearing himself? 

You didn’t know what that feeling boiling in the pit of your stomach was. Jealousy? Anger? Sadness? A brand-new breed of emotion called jeagerness? You were at a complete loss for words, and right at that moment, your eyes darted to his bracelet again.

“Maybe take that stupid thing off before your prospective wife asks you where you got it,” you spat through your clenched teeth.

“Oh, don’t worry. She knows.”

This had to be a whole new level of cruelty, and you never thought Chris would be capable of hurting you to this extent. You stomped away enraged out of your mind, trying to think of the location of the nearest wall you could punch a hole into.

“Luna...” he called out after you.

“DON’T!”

Not even during your worst days did your heart feel this heavy.

And as much as Chris hated doing this, he wore the most knowing smile on his lips as he watched you leave.

The second you stepped foot inside your apartment, you threw yourself on your bed to try and calm down. The cold of the outside wasn’t enough to put out the everblazing fire quietly burning inside you. You were still in utter disbelief of what came out of Chris’ mouth. He really looked you right in the eye and told you he was getting married like it was nothing. If you could, you would let the restless bird in your chest fly away and take all the heaviness with it, but…

You shifted your gaze from the ceiling to your closet that indeed harbored a monster in it. You stood up to your feet and slowly walked towards it, and when you opened the door wide, there it was, staring at you.

There was a box you were still keeping that would put Pandora to shame. You never knew what to do with it, but you couldn’t find it in you to get rid of it either. 

You held the box in your hand for the first time in forever and ran your fingers on the smooth surface. It had collected dust, but it was still so beautiful. It didn’t necessarily contain any evil in it, but it still harbored your memories with Chris like a small time capsule. You put your thumb on the bronze clasp, but you were still hesitating to open it.

When you finally opened the box, you could swear the entire room was filled with Chris’ scent. 

You sat down on your bed again and started to take out the contents one by one. Movie stubs, bus tickets, flyers from excursions, some of the post-its he used to stick on your bathroom mirror, the tiny vial of seawater you collected during a weekend getaway at his hometown… With each piece of memorabilia, a muted short clip was playing in your inner mind theater. There was no sound maybe, but the images were still crisp. You could still smell the sea. You could still hear his laughter in your ear. You could still feel his kiss on your lips.

Then you reached for the bottom of the box and found… that.

It was the necklace he gifted you two days after you got him the bracelet just so you could match. The pendant was an infinity symbol with both your initials on it, and you never once took it out throughout your time together. You believed forevers indeed existed back then.

You wrapped the chain around your fingers and stared at the delicate jewelry for a long, long time.

You walked to the mirror on your closet door and put on the thin chain. It felt like a soft kiss when you brushed your fingers on the pendant again. You inadvertently smiled to yourself thinking of the times he pulled you close to his chest and whispered as if it was a secret to be kept between you.

You and I are forever, Luna.

All of a sudden, the weight of the past couple of days felt too heavy on your shoulders. Your eyelids were closing as if you’d been awake for four days straight. You took one last look in the mirror before heading to your bed.

You kept the necklace on and put the box away after gathering all its contents. Then you lay down on your bed and caressed the pillow he used to rest his head on, drifting to sleep as you held the pendant in your other hand.

You had never once slept on his side ever since you started using this room all by yourself.

Courtesy of an insane workload, you managed to dodge Chris for an entire week, excessively careful not to pass by anywhere he could be. You were even using the restroom and the kitchen two floors up as a safety measure, but unless you resigned, there had to come a moment when you were forced to face each other.

Such as the pretentious reception the entire company was obligated to attend.

You had asked Changbin to accompany you since you couldn’t be bothered with a date in your current headspace, kindly turning down everyone who had extended an invitation. And quite frankly, you could use a break from the emotional hurricane of late.

“Good evening, milady.” 

Oh, no…

What you could not foresee, however, was the god of stubbornness and principles breaking his promise and totally letting the last person you wanted to see hijack his spot. 

Chris greeted you by the venue’s front door with a devastating smile, gallantly bowing, and reached for your hand to kiss it.

“You look absoluely stunning tonight.”

Oh, fuck this guy entirely. He had NO business looking this gorgeous in that suit, nor being this fucking charming. Just the sight of him was enough to give you butterflies, but when you felt his lips on your skin, you properly short-circuited for a good five seconds.

“Where’s uh… Where’s Bin?” you finally managed to utter.

“He won’t be able to make it because of reasons,” he offered his arm for you to lock yours with, “Shall we?”

“STOP CROWDING THE ENTRANCE! GO! GO!”

Well, Drea made the decision for you, and you momentarily found yourself clinging to Chris to keep your balance. With his arm raised to his chest, you were able to see it through a macro lens this time. 

He was wearing that godforsaken bracelet again. Almost… proudly.

Rather than the usual ‘I can’t tell if I’m furious or down in the dumps right now’ dilemma, you found yourself in a state of complete bemusement this time around. Yes, this was just some piece of accessory, but how come his fiancée was this comfortable with Chris wearing it like a badge of honor? Mad respect to people who could be civil about exes from long-term relationships, but if someone brought it up in a conversation just to ask if it was okay to wear it, you would probably commit cold-blooded murder. 

Where the heck was this mystery woman anyway?

When you sat down at the large round table, it was somewhat easier for you to keep your poise. You cut contact with your right side completely and began to enjoy your dinner chatting away with your friends to your left as if Chris wasn’t even there at all. 

“I don’t know what to tell you. It doesn’t seem likely we can make the launch date unless…”

Your mind suddenly went blank. You knew what you were supposed to say, but the words weren’t coming out of your mouth.

“You okay, sweetie?”

No, you absolutely weren’t. As much as Chris was seemingly engaged in a conversation himself, his thigh was pressing against yours, and that pressure was a bit too much to be an accidental brush.

“I’m sorry. What was I saying?” you shook your head to gather your thoughts again and took a huge gulp from the water in front of you.

You dabbed your lips with the linen napkin, then let it rest on your lap again. The cold liquid did a fantastic job replenishing your mental faculties, but if only… 

If only it wasn’t instantly depleted.

As faint as it was, you had barely gotten used to that touch, but your entire body turned into stone and jelly simultaneously when Chris held your hand under the table, effectively pushing you to the brink of a heart attack.

“I NEED TO UH… get some… fresh air,” you declared in a fluctuating decibel as you jumped to your feet, then left the premises immediately.

You threw yourself to the nearest balcony to breathe easy a little. What the fuck was even happening? Why was he giving you so many mixed signals? Was this one of those open relationship thingies because thanks but no thanks, your jealousy supplies were enough to last a small country.

You were barely functioning with the current knowledge of his marital status as it is! 

“You okay?” 

His sudden voice behind you gave you a horrible start, and you jumped in your place. He had those huge puppy eyes again. The very same ones he always flashed when he was genuinely worried or whenever he wanted something from you. 

“A little better,” you lied through your teeth.

His blooming smile promptly erased his concern as he heaved a sigh of relief, then he took several steps closer until he stood right next to you.

“The band is playing slower songs now,” he extended his hand to you invitingly, “Can I have this dance?”

Well… One dance. No harm could come from one dance, right?

Right?

You accepted his hand, and he pulled you into his arms so seamlessly you could swear you were there all along. His hand was softly caressing your waist as you were swaying to the languid rhythm of the song, and he was looking at you utterly smitten. Your confusion was seeping through your cracked defenses and pouring into your adoration for him, rendering your feelings murky. You were having the hardest time trying to make sense of everything, and day by day it was getting harder to undo this jumble.

But at that moment, you weren’t exactly sure if you wanted to undo it at all.

A strange sense of déjà vu enveloped you out of nowhere like you’d been here before. With him, for that matter. Doing this exact—

“Felix’s wedding,” he spoke with a mischievous smile and properly freaked you out with his mind-reading skills, “We sneaked out to a terrace like this.”

Jesus fuck, not… that.

The mere mention of the memory sent a buzzing sensation down to your core, and you averted your eyes from him. Yes, you were at a terrace, but not exactly dancing. Having a few too many, you both thought breaking into the rooftop pool was a great idea, and after eating your pussy on a sunbed for maybe half an hour straight, Chris had fucked your wits out of you that night.

“Did I embarrass you?” he gently held your chin and turned your face towards himself, brushing his thumb against your flushed cheek, “You’re blushing.”

Embarrassed you? Try goddamn mortified, maybe.

“No, it’s…” you started a sentence, but your voice trailed off into oblivion.

His velveteen chuckle caressed your ears like a feather, and he pulled you closer to his body. Moments later, his eyes were closed and his forehead was pressed against yours. You could feel his heartbeat on your fingertips, and you couldn’t tell which one of you was responsible for that sound blaring in your ears.

“I miss your taste, Luna,” he breathily whispered in your ear.

THUMP!

You thought that was your heart somersaulting, but you actually lost your balance so bad that you sprained your ankle. The bubble of the moment suddenly popped, and Chris switched to alert mode, carrying you to the mostly empty lounge area nearby.

“Don’t move,” he helped you sit down on one of the comfy armchairs, “I’ll be right back.”

Shortly after, he reappeared with a small bucket of ice and some ointment in his hands and kneeled before you.

“Damn, how fast is the concierge in this hotel?” you widened your eyes in surprise, then pulled your feet away when he reached for your shoe, “Wait, you’re–you’re not going to…?”

“Yes, I’m taking it off,” he looked at you all confused, “How else am I going to apply this?”

“There are people in here,” you lowered your voice.

“Would you rather if we were alone?”

“That’s… That’s not—!”

Before you could properly form that sentence, Chris rose to his feet and approached the bartender, whispering something to him while sliding several bills across the bar top. The man nodded and politely led the handful of patrons out, then exited the area himself.

“There. If anybody asks, it’s closed for a private event,” he got back into position before you. 

“Are you insane?!”

“Maybe,” he reached for your shoe again, “Can I take this off now? It’s going to swell.”

Without waiting for an answer from you, he took off your shoes, put a couple of ice cubes into what looked like a washcloth, and pressed it on your ankle. You hissed and contorted your face in mild pain whereas Chris’ mind drifted to somewhere else.

He was staring at how the cold of the ice had broken goosebumps all over your leg through the deep slit of your dress, and he was tracing each one with his eyes, breathing turning slightly heavy. You knew it was wrong, but you wanted him to kiss all of it. His lips were parted and so were yours as you watched his every move intently. You wondered if he would still get weak at the knees when you touched behind his ears. You wondered if he would still lose his mind when you kissed his neck. You wondered if you still got it when it came to making him bend to your will.

You wondered if you could… change his mind.

He put the ice cubes back into the bucket and grabbed the pink-colored ointment tin, carefully applying the generous amount all over your ankle. It was relaxing. It was too relaxing, enough to elicit a content sigh out of you, which made him thickly gulp in return. He took a long whiff of the pleasant scent emanating from the tin, and his eyes slowly closed.

“Strawberry,” he observed, then looked up at you with dreamy eyes, “A particular day comes to mind, doesn’t it? The day I lost a bet to someone.”

You instinctively pressed your legs together thinking of what he was referring to as he continued to rub your foot with complete nonchalance. Whatever this was had long stopped being medical attention and turned into a massage, a pretty sensual one at that.

“She made me her servant for a day,” he ran his hands up your calf, “but there is something she doesn’t know.”

His face was so close to your legs that you could almost feel the outline of his lips on your skin. One accidental jerk, and he would be full-on kissing you.

“There was no bet lost. I let her win,” he closed his eyes and inhaled as much of your scent as he could, leaning a bit too close to your crotch, “If only she knew how it brings me to the edge of an orgasm when I serve my queen.”

You were completely paralyzed, nor could you remember what words were. All you could do was just stare at him and try not to moan. He dipped his fingers into the bucket again and grabbed an ice cube, slowly dragging it up your naked skin.

“It’s so wet between your legs, isn’t it?” 

He smiled to himself, but the shade of it was a deep, dark crimson. You stammered in a desperate attempt for a quick rebuttal, but your reasoning was completely failing you.

“I meant your thighs,” he showed you the melting ice cube, drops of water trickling down his fingers, “Because of this.”

He popped the ice like a pill and loudly crunched on it, then propped up on his knees and started to crawl towards you. Two more inches and his lips were going to be on yours. Your heart was beating like crazy and you had to make a decision fast.

He wasn’t yours anymore.

He belonged to someone else now.

He was getting married.

How spectacularly you caved should have been cause for concern, but you couldn’t give a rat’s ass. Kissing his lips again after so long was the equivalent of finding an oasis in the middle of a desert. Your short-term memory was completely erased as you surrendered yourself to the shelter of his kisses, however…

This was going to derail so bad if you didn’t stop it right about now.

The angel and the devil were bickering again. The angel was begging you to get a goddamn grip whereas the devil was extremely persuasive telling you this wasn’t the least bit your fault. You weren’t the one about to get married. You didn’t do anything to seduce this man. He was doing everything of his own accord, and it wasn’t on you if this engagement somehow ended from this point on.

You let them battle it out, and the devil emerged victorious with blood splattered all over its face. 

You pulled yourself back just a measure, and your hand moved on its own, reaching for its ear in slow motion.

“You know what that does to me,” Chris warned you with urgency in his eyes, “If you… If you touch me there…”

You stared into his soul as you slowly caressed behind his ear, watching his eyes close with a deep exhale. He leaned into your touch and started rubbing his cheek against you as if your wrists were dipped in aphrodisiacs.

“Take me upstairs,” you uttered the words quietly.

The second you finished your sentence, time ceased to exist and erased all reality with it. 

The rest was all a blur. You could vaguely remember practically running towards the elevators with your hand in his. Then kissing. A lot of kissing, enough to fog the entire mirror in that cramped cabin. Then sounds of fabric tearing as you trampled into the room with dim lights.

Then just him, looking at you with darkened eyes on that bed, panting as he hovered over you, ready to do anything that would spill from your lips.

You wrapped your legs around him and swiftly took him under you. Chris watched you settle between his legs with widened eyes, incredulous and heavily breathing. You brushed your fingers on his girth one by one, his moans growing a tinge louder with every touch. You finally showed a shred of mercy and started stroking him, but you’d been at it with the teasing for so long that he was reacting as if you just sat on his cock.

“Fuck, you’re fucking killing me,” he groaned as he threw his head back, “I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that.”

“Don’t… even… think about it,” you emphasized each word and kissed his cock, “Control it. I’m not even halfway done with you yet.”

Your kisses began at his base and leisurely climbed up all the way to his tip. You briefly pondered whether you should fry his brain completely by smearing the precum all over your lips, but that wouldn’t give you the reaction you really wanted. You lured him into a false sense of security just by kissing all over his cock, and when he least expected it, you took him down your throat so deep, Chris’ life flashed before his eyes for a second. It was too wet, too tight, too fast, and there was no way anyone could control themselves.

“Fucking close,” he suddenly propped up on his elbows, “Suck it harder!”

“Nuh uh. Someone had too much fun,” you let his cock out of your mouth, “And someone needs to show me a good time now.”

“Come here,” he suddenly jumped from his place to trade places with you, “I’m gonna drink every last drop you have.”

He laid you down on the bed and spread your legs apart, face contorted in utter pleasure upon seeing the thick coat of gloss covering your pussy. He wrapped his arms around your legs and began to slurp on your cunt all sloppy, ravaging you like an uncaged animal.

“Fuck, Chris…”

“There it is,” he maniacally smiled into your folds, licking stripes after stripes to hear you moan louder, “Say it again. Say my name again.” 

“Chris!”

“Now say the other thing.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. It could have been just a force of habit that he asked for it, but there was only one way to find out. You closed your eyes and imagined you were back in your bed, and the love of your life was losing himself in ecstasy just because he was pleasuring you.

“Baby…”

Once he heard that word, Chris’ heart skipped several beats. He suddenly grabbed your hands and placed them on his head for you to guide him. No guidance was needed per se; it was just like riding a bike. He knew the exact rhythm you liked as you rode his face to your orgasm, always leaving a hefty mess on his gorgeous fucking face.

“You still remember,” you flashed him a fucked out smile.

“Remember?” he chuckled while licking his lips, “That would imply I’ve forgotten it at some point.”

“Stop teasing!”

“Frustrated, are we?” he licked you torturously slow from your entrance to your clit, “Then should I do it the way you like it or the way I like it?”

“The way you like it,” you answered with a shaky voice.

“Is that so?” he tenderly kissed your clit, “Then you’re fucking done for.”

He spread your lips and started dragging his tongue all over your pussy so languidly it almost put you in a comatose state. The memory of a closed rooftop pool appeared behind your eyelids again, making you throb in his mouth. You melted when he quietly chuckled into your pussy in absolute delight. He kept bringing you to the very edge just to pull you back time and time again, and a wave of irritation was about to wash you over very soon.

“Stop edging me!” you grabbed fistfuls of his hair and yanked on it, letting out a sob in frustration, “I’m so close. Please!”

“But you told me to do it how I like it.”

“I changed my mind!”

“No takebacks,” he wiped his mouth and got on his knees.

Then he spread your lips apart and started lapping at your clit so fast that a buzzing sensation began to set in as if you pressed a vibrator on it. If he kept this pace up, it wasn’t even going to take you ten seconds before…

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pressed his head deeper into you, “Suck it!”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” he tugged on your legs, “Baby.”

You involuntarily groaned at the sight of his thick girth, flushed dark pink and leaking clear drops. You wanted him so much that it almost pushed you off the ledge when he just pressed his tip against your entrance.

“Hold on to me,” he kissed your forehead before he took off, “Let’s ride.”

You momentarily saw white when he rammed himself into you in full force, going off at a pace so relentless your mind went completely blank. All your senses could register was him. His scent. His cock. His touch. His sweat dripping on your chest. You licked your fingers and started rubbing your clit to his speed, and the second you started clenching around him, his brows creased sensing his impending doom.

“Almost…” you panted as he kept impaling you with sharp thrusts, “Almost… Almost…! FUCK!”

The way you unraveled under him was everything to Chris. Your eyes closed, your back arched, your walls pulsating around him so hard that it was categorically impossible for him to pull out even if he wanted to. He reached for your face with the singular drop of strength he had and pressed his lips on yours before collapsing on your chest.

The reality started creeping in once your breathing returned to normal, and a sense of panic began to seep through your skin. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” Chris reached for your hand.

His voice paired with his touch resusciated your rationale, and post-nut clarity hit you like a brain freeze.  

This was a huge fucking mistake.

All your wits came back like they were sucked back through a vortex. You couldn’t help your goddamn lizard brain, and now you were the other woman. Someone was going to get hurt because of you.

Congratulations on your massive fuck up!

You suddenly leaped from the bed and started putting your clothes on.

“I gotta get out of here,” you quietly uttered with a trembling voice.

“Luna, please…”

“STOP THAT!” you shrieked and dashed towards the exit with tears pricking your eyes, “Don’t follow me!”

You threw yourself to the streets without a destination in mind. You just wanted to be away. The instant regret had its firm grip around your throat, and you didn’t have an inkling of what to do to get rid of it.

You couldn’t even hear yourself think since your phone wouldn’t shut up. Chris was insistently calling you back to back, and it was apparent he wasn’t going to stop. You eventually decided to take the call before you smashed your phone on the pavement.

“WHAT?”

“WHERE ARE YOU?” he yelled equally loudly on the other end of the line, worried sick as if you’d been missing for days, “I’m begging you, please tell me where you’re going. I have to talk to you.”

“Chris, I’m trying really hard not to be hurtful right now,” you spat into your receiver, “You’ve confused me enough and had your fun. Just stay away from me for a while.”

You hung up the phone and turned it off, then hailed the approaching cab to be with yourself for a little while.

When you made it to the beach, you kicked off your shoes and started walking on the cold sand barefoot. It helped soothe your sizzling heart a little. You and Chris used to come to this spot as your haven, either to run away from the fast pace of your lives or to clear your heads whenever there was an important decision to be made.

Considering how you were actively burying yourself in work all week, the reason wasn’t the first one this time around.

You sat down on the sand, placed your shoes next to you, and hugged your knees, just focusing on the moon to not think anything else. You didn’t understand what it was you were feeling exactly. Was this just some crumbs of your love for him on fire, bound to die out at some point? Or was it because he was your one true love that you were hurting this much? Did he really love you, or was it just a moment of weakness? If things were different, could you see yourself sharing a life with him? 

Was it too late for everything?

“I knew I was going to find you here.”

You gasped when you heard his voice behind you, cursing at your luck that there was no place you could hide around here.

“Chris, please,” you wiped your eyes, “I really need to be away fr—”

“Just stop it.”

He sat down right next to you and took his shoes off, then started watching the moon with you. You sat in silence for quite a while. As much as you couldn’t think of one thing to say, Chris wasn’t willing to disturb this little moment of strange peace. 

“This was the one thing that kept me going, you know. We were apart, but we still watched the same moon,” he eventually spoke gazing at the sky, “I know you have your reasons to resent me and I know I don’t deserve you. But I just can’t go on without you, Luna.”

He heaved a deep sigh and turned to your direction.

“Tonight didn’t exactly go as I planned,” he reached for his blazer, “but I won’t let it end before I do what I set out to do.”

He took out a little black velvet box from his pocket, and your jaw dropped in shock.

“What the hell are you doing?” your eyes opened wide.

“I told you I was getting married. I didn’t say to whom,” he smiled at you so brightly, “It was presumptuous of me to think you would say yes but… Will you marry me?”

You were absolutely dumbfounded at what came out of his mouth. 

For an entire week, he let you think he was getting married to someone when that someone was supposed to be you? Instead of approaching you like a normal person, he went to these lengths just so the element of surprise would be there?

IN WHAT UNIVERSE WAS THIS ACCEPTABLE?

“That was the dumbest way to propose to someone,” you deadpanned, but he wasn’t fazed one bit.

“I know.”

“This is stupid.”

“I know.”

“This is absolutely insane.”

“I know.”

“You can’t possibly expect me to say yes to this.”

“I shouldn’t,” he shrugged, “but here I am, still begging you to let me love you forever.”

The little bird returned to your chest, happily singing for once rather than giving you a sense of impending doom. You had two choices. You were either going to let him go for good, or you were going to hug him so tight he would never be able to leave again.

All things considered, you kinda had it with choices by now.

“Yes,” you nodded through your tears, “Yes, you idiot. Yes.”

You took his lips between yours and kissed him for a long, long, long time, one for each day you had to be apart. He wrapped you in a tight embrace as if you would vanish into thin air otherwise. Your bodies were moving completely on their own. You undid the buttons of his shirt and ran your hands on his torso. He cascaded the straps of your dress and buried his face in your chest. You were unwittingly reminded of a recurring dream you’d been seeing. On this very beach. Under a starry sky.

There could be no nightscape more beautiful than the moon shining on his naked skin. His warm embrace and his even warmer kisses numbed the coldness of the sand pressing on your back. The world could be ending right this very moment, and you still wouldn’t care. Nothing felt safer than being in his arms.

“Closer, Luna.”

Everyone has a name, but then there is the one your other half gives you, and it puts all the names to fucking shame.

You wrapped yourself tighter around him, but it made no difference. He could occupy the exact same space as you, take refuge in your deepest corners, and he still wouldn’t deem it close enough. Even when you shared the exact same breath of air, you missed him.

You missed him deliriously.

“Touch me,” his breathing quickened like his heart was about to give out, and he pleaded for his life looking into your eyes, “Touch me more, I’m dying!”

When you touched his face, you didn’t wake up this time. Instead, he held your hand and peppered kisses all over it, every finger, every knuckle. Instead, you looked deep into his eyes as you guided him inside you. Instead, he merged his entire existence with yours as he slowly sank into you and found the meaning of his life there. He asked for forgiveness with each thrust. He declared his undying love with each moan. He finally heaved a sigh of relief when he made you cum and you let slip an “I love you”.

For the first time in forever, there were no voices whispering things. The moment was filled with nothing but peace. As you were catching your breath on his chest, Chris reached for the velvet box currently lying on his sand-covered shirt.

“Can my future wife put this on for me?” he beamed at you. 

He kissed your hand again and continued his sweet assault on your lips, squeezing as many I’m sorry’s as he could in between. The blocks of lead you were carrying all this time were lifted off of you when you took shelter in Chris’ arms, not even attempting to choke back the sobs you were swallowing for months on end. The tighter he hugged you, the looser the cage door became, and it cracked open when he kissed you to seal his promise to love you for an eternity.

The little bird in your chest was finally set free.

Exxxtraoddinary? Appreciate with a pudding.

© 2025 Feelfolio.

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